My first thought as I awake at 4:30 this morning, was of my Dad’s handwriting. How he would have signed his name on my birthday card, as today is my 40th birthday.
The morning light is the softest pink and mauve there could be, an artist with a palette of watercolours couldn’t have painted the sky any softer. There is an orchestra of bird song, chirping sparrows, cooing doves, lyrical blackbirds and calling gulls.
After picking the veggies I head down to the quay for an early birthday swim. It is a gentle morning, its high tide and a fisherman sets off for a day of checking lobster pots. The sea laps the shore in such a tranquil and hypnotic rhythm.
I feel a sudden and powerful wave of sadness as I sit in the warm sunshine. It’s my first birthday since Dad died. I remember birthdays in the past, bbqs at the house where I grew up, beach parties at Widemouth Bay and the treat of a Chinese takeaway.
I’m trying so hard not to be melancholic but as I wade into the cool water I begin to cry. I really cry, my hot tears mix with the cool salty seawater and for a few moments all I can do is tread water as my breath is erratic and the emotion takes over.
After a while I swim slowly out, deep breaths underwater and the sea is gentle with me. It allows me to just be. Everything is peaceful and still.
I love the way the sea gives me time for myself, a place to free the thoughts and feelings that I have inside me.
When I return home a pile of cards and pressies are waiting for me. Now I feel I can face them. I’ve had that special moment to remember, now is for the present and to be around the family and friends that I love.
Bryher swim blog 